INTROVERTS

PLEASE READ….

I really need to get this off my chest because it has been bothering me a long time. So, here goes.

As an introvert, it is beyond hard to understand how other people can connect with strangers/people they barely know so easily. And when I say this, they say, “You just need to put yourself out there more!” And I know that a part of being an introvert is having to go out of your comfort zone, like, a LOT, but it’s the fact that some people go on saying this without really knowing what it’s like. So, here’s what it’s like: If I don’t feel comfortable when I’m with a group of people, even when I’m with some of my good friends, it’s CRIPPLING to be the only quiet one there. I’m not blaming anyone else because it isn’t your job to include me in everything, of course not, but that is what it feels like. I feel like if I say anything, the breath will be ripped from me and then people will think I’m weird because it took so much courage just to give that small, useless addition to the conversation. Whenever I think of something I want to say, I’ve been thinking about it for the whole conversation, just listening to it, and therefore it feels too personal, too profound to say in front of a large audience. This is one of the faults in an introverts mind, and I fully admit that. My introversion is without a doubt my greatest insecurity. We think too much, and suddenly any thought we feel at first is good enough to voice will be silenced by the lighthearted subjects of groups’ conversation topics, even though what we’re thinking of saying is probably a perfectly normal thing to say.

A sort-of friend of mine once rudely told me that he thought when I first moved to Maine that I was a boring person because I never talked to anyone. I know you’re not boring now, he said. Because I actually started talking to you.

Please, please, everyone. Know this. Just because we are quiet doesn’t mean we are uninteresting. I know a lot of people know this, but some people like this friend of mine don’t. Being quiet just means we are thinking, observing, taking life in. There’s no problem in taking life in without thinking; I fully support that. When my friend said this to me, frankly I was really hurt afterwards even though he said he knew I wasn’t boring know. But it stung. I forgive him for it, but it hurts—and it’s an honestly unfortunate fact of our society that the people who can strut around confidently without fear of rejection assume the blandness of people who aren’t like them.

Those of you who ARE confident, who CAN walk around without fear of rejection, that’s awesome for you. Part of me envies you, but part of me is also okay with the way I am. I only want people to understand this concept of Elsewhere. It’s our comfort zone, it’s our refuge. And it’s hard for us to get out of and stay out of. It takes a lot of courage, at least for me. I know it does for other introverts, too.

I just want people to understand.